


Sweaty Hands

by Actually_Ichimatsu



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe- they knew eachother, Angst, Anxiety, Art, Cars, Driving, Evans offbrand phone, Fluff, Gen, Grabbin a scoop at ala mode, Heidi is a good mom, Ice Cream, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Panic Attacks, Pining, Pre-Canon, Pre-Slash, Silly Boys, Sketchbooks, gay thoughts, is sorbet ice cream? A debate, puns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-20
Updated: 2017-05-20
Packaged: 2018-11-02 18:35:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10950351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Actually_Ichimatsu/pseuds/Actually_Ichimatsu
Summary: Connor Murphy, Evan Hansen's friend of five months, drives Evan home from school every day after school.Or, in which ya boys grab a scoop at A La Mode and Connor's an artist, and Heidi invites her son's (boy)friend for dinner.





	Sweaty Hands

**Author's Note:**

> I LOOKED UP STUFF FOR THIS;;;;; I LOOKED ON THE HECKING WEBSITE FOR A LA MODE---
> 
> Ive been working on this for like. 5 hours save me
> 
> Unbeta'd; lemme know what i needa do
> 
> OH YEAH AND ALSO THIS IS BEFORE CANON???? LIKE SHORTLY BEFORE EVAN BROKE HIS ARM

Connor scribbled away into his notes- with doodles of little people and thoughts of a different place other than school.

Ever since Evan and Connor became friends, Connor began to not skip class as much. Connor and Evan would meet up in the halls and walk eachother to class, and talk as they walked. In addition, they'd eat together during lunch. Usually they'd go outside or in the library- it was quieter than the rambuncious cafeteria, and Evan's hands would always get sweaty- their code word for needing to get out of a situation. Evan had came up with it, actually, and it wasnt a bad idea.

(Evan's hands were sweaty a lot in all reality.)

Connor sat scribbling the minutes away in a trigonometry class- he knew he should probably be paying attention, but he could only make dumb puns to himself about how the teacher goes on 'tangent's a lot, and how it was a 'sine' that the class was boring.

Connor debated on telling Evan about the stupid trig pun. Maybe not, because it sounded dumb. Oh well, it was funny in his head.

As the teacher was finishing graphing a trigometric function, the bell rang. Connor left the class room as one of the first out.

The last period of the day, he sighed. Evan couldn't make it from across the school to walk him to his class, but after school Evan always met him. Evan had no driver's license("me, sitting in a car? With a complete stranger?"), so Connor took it upon himself once learning he had no ride home to become designated driver of Evan Hansen.

The last period of the day was Art. The art finances in the county was meager, so the art course was a cheap conglomeration of painting, sketching, shading and more. The teacher was chill enough, and let them do what they want so long as they finished their work.

Connor had finished his work a few days prior, but today was everyones final day for this project. Some students were panicking, but Connor wasn't. From his satchel, Connor pulled out a sketchbook- this was the only class he could pull it out withot getting dirty glares from the teachers.

Connor began to sketch out a person sitting in a field. It was awfully cheesy for him, but he had a picture in mind and he wanted to do it.

The person in the field was none other than the wonderful Evan Hansen.

So yeah, Connor might've been pining for his newly found friend, but he didn't care. Evan was his first friend- he wasn't going to risk losing that because of a dumb crush. So even if it broke his heart, he wouldn't tell him.

Connor spent most of the class period sketching and lining it- he didn't have any colouring stuff with him, but much in his sketch book wasnt coloured anyway. It didn't matter, it wasn't like anyone else was going to see this.

  
For the last ten minutes of class, (his phone reported to him when he pulled it out as he finished) Connor scribbled on the next page of the notebook little crying faces or little people and snickered at the other students; some obviously didn't care- they considered it a free period class (which upsets Connor, but he never brings it up) while others begged the teacher for an extension until Monday.

The bell rang, and Connor slid his sketchbook back into his satchel and strolled out of the classroom, and wandered out of the classroom as one of the last students in the sparsely populated classroom. The hallway was beginning to lose the flood of people, since he was slower than most, and thats how he liked it. Connor hated the shoving, the yells of sweaty, hormoned teens, and the heat of it all.

It made his hands sweaty.

Connor walked out to the parking lot behind the school, where he saw a figure by his car- Evan. Evan usually got out there before him- it was just his nature to want to be early.

"Hey Ev." Connor greeted, a hand raising to half way before falling again back into his hoodie pocket.

"H-hey, Connor." Evan's eyes were cast down slightly as he played with the bottom of his fraying shirt, as the junior always did.

"You're going to rip the shirt," Connor teased, and Evan stammered for a reply. "I was just kidding, Ev." Connor clarified, to which Evan awkwardly laughed.

"Yeah. Right." He nodded unsurely.

"Just get in, you midget." Connor said as he unlocked the door to his shitty, black, 2010 PT cruiser.

"I am n-not a midget!" Evan whined, which Connor only snickered at. Evan slid in to smell the car's telltale smell- chips, dirty clothes, and a slight scent of weed.

Of course, with their lack of lacking money, both him and Zoe got a car of their own. Their parents, however, got Zoe the nice car- a red Prius. Connor's mom insisted that they just didn't have the money to pay for a nicer car for him, which Connor knew was a lie.

Connor wasn't complaining. A car is a car, he supposed.

Connor turned up the AC to the car and let down the windows. The heat was stifling in the car- being in the beginning of May, it shouldn't have been this warm, but it was unnaturally warm this summer so far. Global warming, he reasoned.

After it cooled down some, Connor rolled up the windows and turned down the AC some. The air blowing felt nice, but the blowing noise from the fan irritated Connor, so he usually kept it low even if he was sweltering.

(He'd deal with it if Evan was hot, though.)

"Hey, you don't have anything today, right?" Connor began as he turned down the road leaving the highschool.

"Um, yeah," Evan said, "I-I dont have anything." A pause. "Why do you ask?"

"It's way too fucking hot," Connor breathed. "We're going to A La Mode." Connor turned into a drive way to make a U-Turn to travel back into town.

"B-but Connor, I-" Evan began looking down. "I'll order." Connor nodded affirmatively. "No worries."

Evan breathed. "Yeah, um, thanks."

A not very comfortable silence filled the air, as the scenery passed them by on the way to the ice cream shop.

"What do you want," Connor asked, "y'know, when we get there?"

"Um," Evan's hands found his shirt again. "I've never really gone there..." he trailed off.

A beat as Connor stopped at a red light.

"You. Have never. Been?" Connor enunciated in disbelief.

"W-well I-I can't r-really order for m-myself-" Evan stammered in response, trying to back himself up.

"We totally have to go there now!" Connor exclaimed, louder than he usually talks.

The conversation left a more uncomfortable silence, so uncomfortable that Connor just decided to put on some music until they were there.

"So," Connor started when they got there, "what do you want?"

Evan whispered quietly, so low Connor couldn't hear him over the buzz of the ice cream place.

"What did you say?" Connor said.

"I-I want orange s-sherbet, I-I guess," Evan said, barely audible.

"Is that even ice cream?" Connor laughed quietly.

"I-I-" Evan began before realizing Connor was only kidding. "J-Just get it." Evan feigned hurt, and Connor smiled.

As Connor ordered, Evan thought about Connor's smile. Connor rarely smiled- it was a small, thin sliver. But in addition, Connor's eyes were often covered with his wirey hair that framed his face and often covered his right eye, but his hair almost moved itself when he smiled. It like fluffed up like a Ghibli film. So when Connor smiled that little smile, Connor's beautiful eyes were revealed from his brownish hair. His eyes lit up when he smiled, his blue eyes looked like a pure river, and the brown slash in his right eye popped even more. The brown was beautiful, his eyes were just beautiful.

Connor was just a beautiful person. Evan could just agknowledge that.

"Here, Evan." A cup was handed to him. "I wasn't sure if you wanted a cone, but y'know, it was like, sherbet and its not even ice cream right? So it would be better in a cup right?" Connor rambled.

"Thanks Connor. Can we um. Eat in the car?" Evan said quietly. "I'm- I, uh- my hands are sorta sweaty."

Connor nodded, "yeah of course."

Connor and Evan sat in the shitty car, but it was cool in the car. Music played quietly in the background.

"You got- what now?" Evan questioned, confusedly.

"I got a double scoop of Swiss Chocolate Almond and Chocolate Marshmallow." Connor said confidently.

"T-that sounds- no offense- nasty." Evan took a bite of his 'ice cream'.

"You didn't even get ice cream!" Connor exclaimed, and Evan got it was a joke.

"Sherbet i-is an ice cream though!" Evan said back.

"Is not." Connor smirked.

"Is too!"

"Is not."

Evan suddenly pulled out his off-brand phone, and Connor leaned over.

"Are you seriously looking up 'is sherbet ice cream'?" Connor laughed.

"Yeah!" Evan exclaimed, "that is if it loads." Evan muttered.

"T-there we go!" Evan paused. "Read for yourself!" Evan handed him his phone.

"Fine, i guess you sorta win this one." Connor sighed, but not irritatedly.

They were left in a comfortable silence as they finished their now mostly melted ice cream.

Connor thought about how that 'argument' was nothing like the screaming matches he had with Zoe- there was no malace, no hurt feelings- at least on his end. He ate his drippy ice cream cone thoughtfully and realized belatedly he shouldve gotten napkins and maybe a cup to go. Oh well.

"H-hey, Connor." Evan spoke, as they finished their ice cream, and as Connor wiped his hands on his pants.

"Mhm? Also could you reach into the glove compartment and see if you can get a wet wipe thing?" Evan nodded, and opened the glove, and searched for the naps covered by various objects, such as the unused drivers manuel, empty bottles of old sodas, and packets of pot, and then got his hands on the towelettes. "Who keeps wet wipes in their dash?"

"That's the thing you have a question over?" Connor hid amusement. "Anyway," he pulled out a wet wipe and cleaned his hands, "what was it?"

"Oh. Right," Evan paused before whispering, "shit, I forgot."

Connor just burst into laughter, and Evan looked at him incredulously. "W-what did I-I say?"

"Its just," Connor began as soon as he could breathe again, "I, friend of five months, have never heard you curse and it was just!" Connor breathed as he sobered up. "Sorry, it was dumb."

"It's fine," Evan smiled nervously, "wa-wanna go to my house?"

"Yeah, lets go."

Miss Hansen was rarely home, so it was a surprise when her old car was pulled into the drive way when they got back. Evan unlocked the door, and Connor followed and stood in the door way.

"Mom?" Evan raised his voice some, and suddenly, a blonde- Miss Heidi Hansen- came from the room over, and hugged her son. "W-what are you doing home?"

"I got off of work early today- and I thought we could eat dinner tonight together!" Miss Hansen smiled at her son.

"S-sounds good, Mom." Evan smiled lightly at his mom, but it wasn't one that reached all the way to his eyes.

"Connor? You should come in, why don't you eat with us?" Miss Hansen asked.

Connor had met Heidi briefly, Evan introduced them a few weeks ago when Connor slept over to get away from the insanity of his house.

"I really should-" Evan looked at Connor with an almost pleading look in his eyes, and Connor revised his statement.

"I'd love to, Miss Hansen," Connor spoke more politely when it was any adult but his parents. Fuck his parents. "Thank you." He breathed.

"Dinner'll be ready in 30 minutes, you boys go play for now." Miss Hansen smiled.

Connor and Evan sat in Evan's room- not an irregular occurance between the two.

"Hey um, Connor." Evan whispered. "I remembered. Can I say what it was?"

"Of course yeah." Connor nodded, leaning back beside Evan.

"So... we're like. About to become seniors." Evan breathed. "Like. Two more weeks and then f-finals," Evan searched for words. "How do you feel about that..?"

"I'm ready for school to be over." Connor said immediately, and Evan looked at him with an indiscernable look.

"For the year. I mean," Connor continued, grasping for words. "I have no idea what I'm going to do after highschool. So I'm not. Prepared for that." Connor whispered. "I don't like to think about that."

"Ye-yeah," Evan said. "I agree. I mean like, I guess I don't know what I even like."

"You like trees right?" Connor suggested. "Maybe ecology."

"Maybe.." Evan sighed. Connor's satchel leaned on Evan's chair precariously, and the light was on. Evan's room was empty besides a bed, a table, and a desk, but there wasn't much else room for other things as well. The light was the only thing emitting light in the room, but since the room was was small it reached the opposite wall.

"Hey Evan?" Connor sat up. "I gotta piss. I'll be back." Connor left the room, and shut the door behind him.

...Which made Connor's satchel fall on the floor, his sketch book falling out of it.

Evan ran over to the fallen object and quickly picked up Connor's satchel- which was rather heavy, but it did have all his books in it. Evan picked up Connor's sketch book.

Evan was nervous one of the pages had been torn or bent, so he began to flip through the pages to make sure.

On the first half of the pages, there was well drawn out sketches of people, or sometimes animals; or doodles of little people in varying styles, and then Evan came to the second most recently used pages.

It was a clearing framed with trees, and a kid was sitting and looking out, towards the frame of sight. Wait, was that....

"Evan?" Connor's voice darkened. Connor was mad.

"Connor!" Evan put Connor's sketch book back into Connor's satchel as quickly and carefully as he could.

"Why were you looking at my sketchbook?" Connor snapped. Connor grabbed his satchel away from Evan's grip, almost dragging Evan with him.

"Wh-when you closed the door your satchel fell!" Evan said quickly, shaking and fear spiking. "Your sketchbook fell out! I-I was," Evan felt as if the room was suffocating him, and he couldn't breathe. "I-I, I w-wanted to be sure th-that n-nothing was d-damaged I-I'm so sorry I-I shouldn't have done t-that I just I-I-" Evan felt the tears slipping down his face. _Pathetic, you can't even apologize right, you shouldn't even exist,_ and Evan couldn't breathe and he was sure he was going to die, if not by Connor's hands then he was going to fucking suffocate- _you cant even breathe right just fucking breathe how fucking hard is that-_

"Hey," a voice crossed the fog and suffocation. "If you can hear me, um squeeze my hand," a voice said, and Evan registered a hand between his violently shaking hands, and he squeezed it as tightly as he could.

"Hey," the voice breathed, Evan knew the voice, but not from where, and one of Evan's hands was moved to another person's chest. "Try to match my breathing okay?"

The breathing was so slow, Evan didn't believe he could breath that slowly, but he tried because he couldn't disappoint another person- be coughed as he tried to breathe. Evan barely remembered how to breathe, how could he possibly breathe that slowly it was impossible- the other person had to be disappointed in him _Evan was such a embarrassment-_

"Evan, come back to me, Ev, I'm not mad at you," the voice spoke again. Evan. Evan that was his name. That was right.

"Can you try to inhale for four, hold for ei-six, and exhale for seven..?" The voice spoke calmly, and Evan began to realize someone was rubbing circles on his back with one hand, and another hand was holding his hand.

Okay, he could try to do that.

Evan inhaled and coughed, but then tried again.

Four, six, seven. Four, six, seven. Four, six, seven.

"Ev, are you alright?" The voice. It was Connor. Evan opened his eyes after them being squeezed shut for a long time. Connor rubbed circles on his back, and held his hand. Evan looked at Connor. Worry filled his face.

_You worried him, how did you do that, you're such a-_ "Ev," Evan was hugged by Connor. "I'm so, so, so sorry." Connor squeezed him tightly as he hugged him.

Connor and Evan were on the floor, on his bedroom floor, the satchel was someplace else, but he tried not to think of that. Evan hugged back weakly.

"Lets sit down in the bed.." Connor picked up Evan, who was worryingly light, but he carried him to the bed and laid him down and held him protectively.

_Why are you hugging him when you caused him to have a panic attack just moments before?_ He thought to himself. _You know, shut up._

It was silent between them for several eternities, and Connor thought Evan had fallen asleep, but Evan whispered something quietly. It was very quiet, but it rang to him since of the deafening silence just before.

"I think you would be a good professional artist.." Evan mumbled tiredly.

_Cmon now, don't fuck this up,_ he thought, as thinking of saying 'shut up'. That would make things worse.

"...I'll think about it." He said quietly, before realizing Evan had really fallen asleep.

Connor realized he should probably go home for the night, but it was barely 7 oclock, but he honestly felt like he couldnt move. He was exhausted.

Before he knew it, he was asleep.

("Boys?" Heidi Hansen said, as she poked her head in the room. Both boys were asleep on the bed, in the clothes they had come home in. She was going to wake them up for dinner, but then she realized something.

Both had tear tracks on their faces.

Heidi stuck the chicken she had made for the night in the microwave and phoned over to Cynthia that Connor'd be spending the night.

Food could be reheated, she supposed, they looked like they needed the sleep.)


End file.
